The Power of Light
I took a phone call recently that inspired this blog. A potential donor called, eager to help the survivors at Lighthouse, and she declared boldly how she could “just kill the evil, disgusting men who were responsible for their abuse.”
Honestly I was saddened by her response! Although I was grateful for her desire to help, I realized that she was only able to see a small glimpse into this work. I wanted to give her the privilege of seeing the beauty of what is happening in Lighthouse, but I wasn’t sure where to start.
It’s hard to talk about child sexual abuse without a lot of hard emotions. It’s one of the darkest subjects that exists. Children need us to be passionate about it and moved by it so we will protect them, but the individual cases are never simple.
Many first abuse cases are perpetrated by a youth; a cousin, a sibling or a boyfriend. Usually the child being abused does not fully understand what is happening and all too often the abuser is acting out of curiosity or natural desire and has no intention of damaging the victim longterm.
Other children are generally abused by an adult they trusted most; a step father, father, uncle or leader. Most of the time the adult showed love and kindness toward the child as well as the abusive behavior, so the child has both good and bad feeling toward the adult.
To make things even more complicated the abuse suffered by a child never just affects the child. There is usually a mother, a wife or others involved who are affected by the abuse, leaving the abused child feeling responsible for their reaction. Even when we express the pain we feel for knowing of the abuse, the child often feels responsible for that too.
Teaching a child to only focus on the abuse and to hate the “evil, disgusting” abuser has been shown to be very damaging to the healing process of the child.
The shocking thing for me to witness in this work is the more anger and hatred the child holds onto from their abuse, the more that darkness controls them and they begin to act abusive in different ways, to those around them or even towards themselves.
Every year becomes more clear that true healing comes through the Atonement and teachings of Jesus Christ. It comes in understanding that people are good, or they are lost but they are rarely evil. Children who have experienced the darkness of abuse need us to be a light for them to hold hope for better days and those who have abused also need our light to shine their way out of darkness. We cannot be filled with light if we show love to one by hating the other. Light comes from being filled with love, peace, hope, mercy, patience and faithfulness.
In this work some people have been very angry at us because we support the survivors in filing a case against their abuser. We believe that boundaries and justice can and should be implemented with that same light. In supporting the child in their desire to file a case, our goal is not only to stop the abuse but to help the perpetrator find hope through taking accountability and committing to better choices. We believe that justice done in light changes people and communities.
The most beautiful things I have seen in this work are repentance and forgiveness! Men who have abused asking for forgiveness and being willing to take full accountability to the law and to God for their actions is beautiful! Then seeing a survivor forgive, knowing that no action of the law will take away their suffering, but trusting that God will make it right in time, is life changing to witness!
Repentance and forgiveness are why the Savior came and why He was willing to suffer all He did for us. When we turn to Him in repentance and choose to forgive we shine light into those dark places and bring the hope of the Lord in. In this work the only enemy is darkness and the only weapon is light.
Thank you to all who have joined the fight by choosing to lay down your weapons of darkness (anger, hatred, jealousy, self-pity, shame) and take on the power of light (Peace, hope, joy, mercy, patience and faithfulness). The world is brighter with your help and the work of Lighthouse is stronger because of you!
